Showing up...

I haven’t posted in almost a month. It’s not that God hasn’t been stirring things in me. In fact, part of why I haven’t posted anything is that I’ve been chasing so many Whispers that haven’t known what to write about. But if simply showing up really is half the battle…..here I am….sorry for the hiatus.

So here’s just a one of the Whispers I’ve been chasing…..Judging.

I’ve considered myself on a journey towards grace picking up pieces of the puzzle here and there intentionally for the last 15 years or so. But March 12th caught me by surprise while listening to a sermon by Rob Bell from Mars Hill called “Judging”.

The short version? I am different. Something changed that day.

I let go.

Grabbed hold.

Took a next step.

And came out transformed.

It’s totally changed the way I view others….and even myself. (Go listen for yourself….see if there’s a Whisper there for you to chase.)

As I took an inventory of this area in my life, it wasn’t pretty. But it was so beautiful. Know what I mean? One of those times you stare your “junk” in the face and while you’re repulsed by it, you can’t help but smile at the same time.

That’s the feeling of forgiveness……and freedom.

I realized how often I assign a judgment to other’s essence.

I characterize them.

Make a decision about their inner being and the motives of their heart.

It’s going beyond making a decision about an action. It's evaluating and drawing conclusions about who they are….their very identity.

In other words……I play God.

And to quote an old buddy of mine, that day it; "Hit me like a 2x4 in the face.”

How wrong it is. The Bible says that exposing hidden darkness and motives of one’s heart is God’s job…..not ours.

And I don’t want to be like that anymore.

In fact, I’m not that person anymore.

Not to say I am perfect at it now. Not to say the “junk” doesn’t try to resurface. But what I can say is….I am different now.

I came across a poem from a monk that has brought great peace in my pursuit of The Whisper. One line in particular encourages my spirit:

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude”

So….though I may stumble thru any next steps I’m trying to take with God…..I am trying.

And I believe that pleases Him.

See you next week…….hopefully.