Joy in the journey....

Over the last couple years, joy has been like a nice Indiana day in January, it comes and goes. I feel like a schmuck even writing that because our family has also been extremely blessed during this time as well. But there's been a constant battle in our lives to fight for joy.

Our family, friends, and fellow Crossbridgers know that for the last 2 1/2 yrs. our oldest daughter Taylor has been battling seizures. Medicine has helped at times to "manage" these episodes, however, they have really cramped the lifestyle of a teenage who just wants to be normal. The 10mth. period from Aug. '08 - May '09 was one of the most difficult stretches of life our family has ever experienced. During that time not only were we dealing with Taylor's health issues, but one of my brothers passed away unexpectedly at the age of 38. I know people say you get over stuff like thist, but honestly? Our family is still trying to recover from losing my dad nine years ago at the age of 61.

What I'm afraid of is that these life happenings have caused me to become cynical. What I mean, is whenever we walk thru difficult times, a well meaning friend shares a bible verse or encouraging word. On the outside I try to be gracious, while on the inside I want to ask if God has ever shaken their world like a snowglobe and placed it back on the mantle of life saying; "Okay, now deal with that." See, I know all those verses already. I've quoted them to others myself. It's easy to love, trust, and follow God when everything is going well. It's a different ball game when His plan is uncomfortable. When He is silent to our prayers. When His peace that surpasses all human understanding is fleeting at best, and seems non-existent at worst.

And so we've been trying to find joy in the journey. Not joy despite our circumstances. To tell you the truth, I've never understood that. Being joyful even though you are walking thru tough times. That actually makes me feel guilty. I'm human. When life is uncomfortable, I'm not happy about it. I'm not filled with joy about it.

But maybe I've been thinking of joy all wrong. A while back while God and I were talking, He redefined joy in my life. I was thinking about how when the disciples were beaten for their faith, the Bible says they went away rejoicing. In other words...they found a way to be fill with joy. How? After taking a beating upside the head? How do you find joy in that?

They didn't! They didn't find joy in the beating. They found joy in the purpose. I'm convinced their joy came because they knew they were part of God's purpose in this world. They were playing a part in God's story. And being part of the Divine Story Tellers purpose excited them.

They decided that being a part of the story God was writing was worth whatever they experienced.

Divinely inspired excitement. That's what joy has come to mean in my life lately. We're still walking thru the health struggles with Taylor, I miss both my dad and brother David, uncomfortable things will still come our way (as they will in each of our lives). But we're trying to find God's purpose.....the story He is writing.....and doing our best to find divinely inspired excitement.