Running to listen....

As a pastor, alot of people get a view thru the window of my inner world and what God's doing in me. That's why I started blogging. This post I wanted you to hear from my favorite Whisper chaser on the planet. My best friend. For the last 20 years (this July) Kim's been chasing the Whisper with me....sometimes leading the way. God speaks thru Kim. He just does. That's why I'm so excited to see her on the journey she's taking....because I know God is going to Whisper to her....and then she's going to share that Whisper with me.

Enjoy.

Running to listen.....

I’ve known something for a very long time. Kind of a duh statement, but one I battle constantly. In order to hear God’s voice, I have to be in a place to listen. My life is too busy, some of it is just regular busy stuff, but other times I create more busyness then is necessary. I suffer from the need to constantly be doing. I will read my Bible and pray but don’t always quiet myself and slow down enough to block out the world around me. Because of this, sometimes I don’t hear God’s voice. I have to stop everything to hear the Whispers.

I get where I crave time to hear God’s voice and I can’t keep going until I get it. This happened a few weeks ago. I was contemplating a decision and wanted to hear what God had to say. God spoke very clearly to me telling me to go for it.

It was to run the Chicago Marathon.

But the bigger picture is what I heard next. God wants me to run it, not for a physical goal but a spiritual one. As I train I’m going to attempt to learn something. The topic: Why does God love me? Why does He want to spend time with me?

As I run by myself (or rather…with God) I’m listening, blocking out the world, stopping all things except Him and me.

I’ve already heard a few things, and am so excited to hear more. More Whispers, more “I love yous”, more time with Him.

I know this is a long journey. Longer than 26.2 miles. I’m not going to cross this finish line here on earth, but I’m going to take steps toward understanding it.

God loves me. Amazing.

15 minutes...

I’m a “list” person. I like “lists”. They help me think…..organize…..reflect….and get things done.

The other day I made a list of things God has been Whispering into my life for the last little while. It’s a legal pad that says….

….Grace – Gratitude – Blessing.
….Good Father – Good Gifts – Good God (not vengeful).
….Free from condemnation and guilt.
….Lostness – need for God.
….Judging others – self.

Most times I like crossing things off my lists more than I like putting them on it.

Not this time. This list wasn’t about crossing off. It was just some time with me and God. It had been a long couple days and I was in my car for another 15 mins. until the things of life recaptured my day.

But before life took over again, I got 15 Holy minutes with God.

That’s the only way I can describe them.

Holy.

Just moments. But God was there. His Presence. His Voice. His Whisper. And we talked. Just me and God. He let me talk the most….I think He knew I needed to get some things off my mind and heart (and He knows I’m a talker).

He just listened……and He Whispered.

I can’t tell you what He said.

Not because He told me not to.

But because I don’t really know. I don’t know that He really said anything. I just know that for about 15 mins…..God stopped whatever He was doing…..and hung out with me.

I can’t explain it….never can. Can’t explain that sense. The sense that God was there…that He is attentive to my heart.

I can’t explain it.....but I know.

And I loved every minute.

It's just where we are...

Although I’m in a teaching series about generosity, today’s Whisper chasing is not an extension of yesterday’s teaching…..it’s just where we are right now. It’s what life on the Whisper trail looks like for Kim and I.

We can’t get away from these four words: grace….generous….grateful….and trust.

I don’t know if it’s the questions….or maybe the answers these four words create that are causing so much refletion.

Why is God so generous to me?

What am I supposed to do with the overflow of His grace in my life?

If a generous heart is a reflection of a grateful heart….how grateful or I mean generous….or maybe I do mean grateful…..am I to God for His grace….I mean generosity….or maybe I do mean grace…..in my life? (Is that still a question or a statement now?!)

See what I mean? But we love it. It’s so cool I don’t know what to do with it…except chase it.

I can’t figure out where grace turns into generosity or is a result of gratefulness…..or where gratefulness spills over into grace which really is just another version of being generous.

I don’t know.

But I don’t really care either.

I just really like what it’s doing inside me…inside us. It’s released us in a new way. So new, I can’t explain it yet.

Whatever it’s inviting us to…we know it requires that we grow in our trust in God. Not sure where….not sure how…..but I’m convinced we can’t go wherever there is….without growing in trust.

We’ll see…..

Showing up...

I haven’t posted in almost a month. It’s not that God hasn’t been stirring things in me. In fact, part of why I haven’t posted anything is that I’ve been chasing so many Whispers that haven’t known what to write about. But if simply showing up really is half the battle…..here I am….sorry for the hiatus.

So here’s just a one of the Whispers I’ve been chasing…..Judging.

I’ve considered myself on a journey towards grace picking up pieces of the puzzle here and there intentionally for the last 15 years or so. But March 12th caught me by surprise while listening to a sermon by Rob Bell from Mars Hill called “Judging”.

The short version? I am different. Something changed that day.

I let go.

Grabbed hold.

Took a next step.

And came out transformed.

It’s totally changed the way I view others….and even myself. (Go listen for yourself….see if there’s a Whisper there for you to chase.)

As I took an inventory of this area in my life, it wasn’t pretty. But it was so beautiful. Know what I mean? One of those times you stare your “junk” in the face and while you’re repulsed by it, you can’t help but smile at the same time.

That’s the feeling of forgiveness……and freedom.

I realized how often I assign a judgment to other’s essence.

I characterize them.

Make a decision about their inner being and the motives of their heart.

It’s going beyond making a decision about an action. It's evaluating and drawing conclusions about who they are….their very identity.

In other words……I play God.

And to quote an old buddy of mine, that day it; "Hit me like a 2x4 in the face.”

How wrong it is. The Bible says that exposing hidden darkness and motives of one’s heart is God’s job…..not ours.

And I don’t want to be like that anymore.

In fact, I’m not that person anymore.

Not to say I am perfect at it now. Not to say the “junk” doesn’t try to resurface. But what I can say is….I am different now.

I came across a poem from a monk that has brought great peace in my pursuit of The Whisper. One line in particular encourages my spirit:

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton, "Thoughts in Solitude”

So….though I may stumble thru any next steps I’m trying to take with God…..I am trying.

And I believe that pleases Him.

See you next week…….hopefully.

The view from here....

God has been showing me lately how my view of Him, is shaped by my view of myself and others. And how my view of others, is shaped by my view of God and of myself. And how my view of myself.....well....you get the picture.

In other words, it’s all inter-related.

Pastor/Author, Rob Bell, shares that however we view God is how we rationalize how we treat others. For example, if I don’t view God as a generous God, then I don’t need to be generous to others. After all, even God isn’t generous.

You probably don't, but sometimes after a long day at work I'm too tired to go shoot hoops when my kids ask. So then I find myself asking God for something and I just know He's up there going; "I'll take a pass this time." even as "Cats in the Cradle" play in the background of heaven.

I’m that way, so God must be that way. Whatever “that way” is.

But it’s not “that way”….or at least it shouldn’t be.

I’m flawed. So are you. When you and I interact with each other, we’re bound to do so in a flawed manner at some point. But I can’t attribute those flaws to God.

So I started a “God is” list. God is….patient….loving….wanting to give good gifts to His children. That sort of thing. And then I started writing everything where I experience God demonstrating those attributes in my life personally.

I also caught myself lying to my kids at dinner the other night. We were out celebrating as a family how generous God has been to us lately. We went out to eat at a restaurant we can’t usually afford. Appetizers? Sure….we’re celebrating! Big meals, even without coupons? Why not….I told you…we’re celebrating! And on the way out of the restaurant we were sharing how we’re going to start sponsoring a child from Africa thru World Vision and I started to say;

“God blesses us when we are generous like this.” (That’s the lie. Okay….half-truth….because I think you’ve got a good case from scripture of what-goes-around-comes-around.)

But I stopped. Just before those words came out of my mouth. And instead I said….“God is generous because He wants us to pass along that generosity to others.”

And that’s STILL not the real truth. I realized later…..what I wish I would have said was; “God is generous.”

Period. End of sentence. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. God is generous…….wait for it……BECAUSE….God is a generous God!

He can’t help Himself. He’s just…..that….way. Wow. He's not that way because I am. He's not not that way because you aren't. God is. Or as God says; "I AM".....regardless of whether or not we am.....or aren't...amn't.

So, I’m trying not to let my view of myself or of others reflect poorly on God…..and I’m hoping that this truer view of God helps me reflect……well….you get the picture.

Snowflakes....

So....getting back to Wonder.

Ever find yourself looking up at the stars on a clear night and realize what a small part of the universe you are? Or on a bright summer day catch yourself looking up at the clouds amazed at how they just float there? Or become captivated by a feather gliding effortlessly in the wind?

Yeah....me neither. Sounds corny doesn't it? Who has the time anyway?

My kids do. Kids in general actually.

Kids seem to have a limitless imagination. I used to...I would pretend I was a spy decoding enemy plans. When I was a kid.

Kids are captivated by the simple. I used to be....I would play for hours in the tree fort in our back yard. When I was a kid.

When I was a kid.

I'm not a kid anymore and I'm afraid I've lost my wonder.

My wonder for God that is. Actually, I'm not afraid I've lost it....I know I've lost it (to some extent anyway).....and that makes me afraid.

I used to be "that guy".

The guy who attributed everything around me to God being at work. I still believe that. But it used to AMAZE me.

When did I lose it? How did I lose it? It's a Whisper God's had me chasing for a while. The best I can figure is that I lost it because of Life and Church.

Life....happened. My dad's death...our daughter Taylor's health issues.....happened. And it kind of jaded me. Made me cyncial about how God works (or when He takes a day off or a coffee break right when I want Him working on a project).

See...there it is.

I still love God. Still trust God. But walking thru Life happenings, I saw that sometimes the outcome can't be affected by our faith, our prayers, or positive mental attitude. No matter how much we fast, pray, lay hands on, anoint with oil, cry out to God, have others intercede for us - God's going to do what God's going to do. People still die and healing is reserved for ladies who sneak thru crowds to touch Jesus' cloak.

I know....sounds ugly doesn't it?

And then Church happened. I realized that at some point after I became pastor, I began feeling like I have to be able to explain or rationalize God to others (especially those who are jaded, cynical, or skeptical). But honestly? I'm tired of trying to....and I'm tired of feeling like I have to....explain God. Rationalize Him. Do you know how irrational that sounds?

Know what else I'm tired of?

Lost wonder for the divine and supernatural.

I don't want to be cynical anymore.

I don't want to be jaded or mad at God when Life or Church happens.

I want to be amazed by God again.

Not bored.

I want to be that crazy guy others laugh at because something simple stops me in my tracks with wonder and amazement.

I know the Bible says.....When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. The problem is....we took that to mean stop being a kid. And even when Jesus told us to start being a kid again if we want to follow Him....many of us didn't listen. We like grown-up-faith better.

Not me.

Not anymore.

I want my childlike wonder back.

That's why I've been intrigued with snowflakes lately.

I read about William Bentley (The Snowflake Man), who was the first person to photograph, study, and record snowflakes (over 5,000 of them).

What he found is that no two snowflakes are alike. They are each unique. When you get a chance, check out some of his pictures: http://snowflakebentley.com/

You know what else I realized while studying snowflakes? They are formed in a cloud. They are uniquely shaped....as they pass thru a cloud.

See to me, the first thought of a cloud is a bad thing. It's a cloudy and rainy day. I know there are clouds on sunny days too...but that's not the first picture I get with clouds. And a cloud is where this magnificent....uniquely shaped.....spectacle of God's creation (aka...the snowflake) is designed. And no two are alike. When that snowflake is gone....the world is without a little piece of uniqueness.

WOW!

So....I can't look now at a picture of a snowflake without being totally amazed with wonder. How did it get shaped like that? What path was specifically designed to get it to this very spot? It's magnificently and articulately made.....and will be gone within moments of landing on my coat sleeve.

And it was uniquely shaped.....by God.

It makes me wonder.

Right now...I'm on the lookout for All Things Wonder.....all things practically.....all things spiritually.....hoping they keep wonder alive in my life.

Thanks God for snowflakes.

Hmmmmmmmmm

Back in my day, there was a talk show host named Arsenio Hall who had a segment on his show called, "Things that make you go hmmmmmmmm."

Before I post this week, I'd like to know what you've been hmmmng about since my post last week about Wonder.

Was the randomness intentional? Yep.

Is there more to the process....even now? Yep.

But I'd like to know what (if anything) last week made you hmmmm about.

So if you wouldn't mind, drop your hmmmm's, as random as they may be, in the comment section of Chasing The Whisper......Wonder.

It will help me process too.